My Testimony (Biola Essay)

I was sixteen years old when I was saved. I went through a lot of adversities and trials that God used to bring me to him. My parents’ divorce was the main reason I was unhappy. My dad changed, and he did not treat me like his daughter. I was forced to move; leaving the familiar house I lived in for so many years. My brother was sent to live with his biological mom, while I stayed witnessing the horror by myself. My dad did not make the divorce easy. He started using drugs, being angry, threatening to commit suicide, and damaged many things. I was not happy and I was falling apart at the seams everyday. It was not until I attended a summer program in Chico called Seed Sowers, that I noticed how broken I was. I was so use to putting on a façade, and pretending everything was fine. I did not want to be known as the girl with the broken family, the girl whose dad was addicted to crystal meth, the girl whose dad left her, or the girl who could not handle her life. I was uncertain about my salvation; was I saved or was I damned to go to hell? A few weeks after Seed Sowers I was coming home from a vacation in Canada. My grandparents and I went to a gospel hall service, and that is when it happened. I was sitting through the service, and trying to hold back my tears that I bottled up for so long. The speaker was talking about false salvation. He described me perfectly, and it terrified me. How did this man, who was a guest speaker from California, happen to speak the very night I was at the meeting? I knew I needed to talk to him. He sat me down and asked what I wanted to talk about. I knew that he truly understood what I wanted to talk about. It took me awhile to tell him my dilemma because I was so choked up by my tears. He was patient and understanding of me. He had me slowly and in sections read John 3:16 aloud. “For God so loved the world…that he gave his only son…that whosoever believeth in him…should not perish…but have everlasting life.” I knew the verse and I did not understand why he had me read that verse. He asked me, “Do you believe it?” I meekly replied, “Yes, I do.” “But do you truly believe that Jesus died on the cross for your sins that you will not go to hell, but have everlasting life with God in heaven?” I did not know my answer. I was speechless and tongue tied. He told me about an analogy about a race car driver and compared it to God. After he told me the whole story behind the analogy, he asked, “Do you want to call God a liar?” I shook my head, “No.” We sat there for a few seconds, as the tears were still running down my cheeks. I was saved that night, and it was one of the most amazing nights that I can remember.
It has been two years and four months since that magically night took place. There have been plenty of trials that God has placed in front of me. My trials had tears, smiles, and sometimes both. I learned to forgive my dad for all his wrongdoings. Being able to let go of every pain he had caused me was like taking a second breath of life. Every now and then I get sad because of the relationship I have with my dad, but it no longer has a hold on me. I put it in God’s hands. Knowing that God knows my plans is comforting, but sometimes knowing that I do not have any insight can be quite terrifying. Psalm 130:7 says, “Put your hope in the Lord, for with the Lord is unfailing love and with him is full redemption.” I understand that I will not be happy every day. Some days I will be sad, but even in those moments I find contentment and God is always there. In the video Rain by Nooma, Rob Bell speaks about how in all of our hurts and pains God is with us, and as we cry he is there saying, “We are going to make it…Dad knows the way… I love you!” I cry every time I watch that video because it is so unbelievably true. I can not fully grasp how much God loves me; it is beyond my own understanding. He is there in my times of troubles, he is there in my pain, he is there when I am blissfully happy, he is there as my Father, and he is there as my friend. I am in love with a beautiful, merciful, loving God; what more could I ask for?